The journey begins....

The big day has come and Jane is not particularly happy. In fact, she is tense. She is certain that the terror plot foiled in the UK was merely a diversion and that the terrorists are really intent on launching a campaign from Sydney involving a herd of exploding flying kangaroos. Of course, this is nonsense but there is a sense of nervousness as we go through security.

For me, there is relief that I am allowed to take my toothpaste on board as I had packed 32.5% of the confectionary aisle of Coles at Wallsend for the journey. I am very tense about the amount of confectionary that may be aboard BA010 and perhaps even more nervous about the possibilty that they may have Pepsi.

Anway, we are pleased to learn that it is people that are flying to the USA who are bearing the brunt of the flight restrictions and who are only allowed to go on board with a clear plastic bag with their travel documents. Lets face it, they really do deserve it for going to visit George Dubbleya.

We say goodbye to Helen and David at the Airport and wander through the gates. I have to lose my belt and shoes at the x-ray and Jane is on crack point patrol to ensure no-one scores a point.

They torture us on the plane by walking past the business class before we reach cattle class. The chairs are smaller than I remember them but then again last time I went to the UK I was smaller. Jane has the window seat and we sit to a nice lady called Nicki who is on her way home to visit her family. I talk to much in the first 3 minutes so I have to remain silent for the next 4 hours so she does not think that she is going to end up in with me saying "It puts the lotion on its skin and puts it in the basket."

The food is suprising good and I spill a beer all over myself and Nicki. She takes this in good humour but I sense that perhaps detente better describes the situation.

The plane is fantastic. You can drink as much coke as you want although it comes in minutely small cans to frustrate your plans. There are also as many mars bars and maltesers as you want. I think I clawed back a fair bit of the fare.

The movies were a bit frustrating. Sound was fuzzy and the little cub died in the documentrary about tigers in New Zealand. Hope you weren't planning to see it. Michael Douglas look really plastic in The Sentinel and the Wild, a new Disney CGI, was about as good as the B grade voice stars in it although Shatner as always was outstanding.

Bangkok was hot and sticky. Jane uses the water to brush her teeth and immediately begins to worry about maleria. I probably don't help in suggesting that perhaps it is more likely she has diptheria.