Aug 2006

Spent all day driving on 22 August driving to Vienna through some beautiful countryside. I am sick of the bus (Daniel).

The tour director has really started flogging the optional excursions which totalled 1,600 euro each. Ouch. We are not doing too many but that seems to disadvantage us as the whole thing is geared to get you to them.

On 22 August, we wandered round Vienna by ourselves while the rest of them went to dinner in the Vienna Woods. We saw a chamber orchestra playing Strauss and Mozart. Jane saved the show by releasing an skinny girl from the toilet cubicle at intermission. Jane thought she might have been a drug addict due to her appearance and urgency in leaving the cubicle but she was the ballerina for the performance! The show was excellent.

Today, we had a guided tour of the Hapsburg city. It is beautiful and impressive. We went to the crypt of the family which is full of bronze coffins and it would have been great if they had an english guide. Not much in english here.

We have just toured the Hofburg apartments where Emperor Josef and Empress Sisi lived. It was OK but a bit dull. Tomorrow we drive to Budapest which is not too far away.

Thanks to those who have left messages. We have appreciated them as we are a long way away. Jane still misses her boys although she saw a Austrian Schnauzer today.

We had some free time to wander around Innsbrook this morning. It is beautiful and squashed between two mountain ranges.

We went to the Swarovski shop and Jane got a nice necklace. We were given a voucher to obtain a ´free gift and ensure a commission for the tour company´needless to say the free gift was crapola. No more commission from us!

We then hopped on the bus to go to Verona. It was very pretty but Juliet´s balcony was a bit dull and it was just a tourist lurk. We had some fine gelati to allow us to use the loo.

Now to Venice, Ah Venice as Indiana Jones exclaimed. This was the highlight of the trip so far. The lagoon is huge and contrary to popular belief it did not smell bad.

We went in at night by motor launch and made our way to St Marks Square where we had Spritzers while we listened to the band play for us at the Cafe Quatro. The band turned it on for the tourists regaling us with Don´t Cry For Me Argentina and My Heart Will Go On from the Titanic. Classy.

Venice was beautiful at night and the next day we went in again for a wander. People everywhere and lots of trinket shops. You get fined 10,000 Euro if you are caught with a fake gucci etc bag.

We had a nice gondola ride in the small canals which was great befor we made our way out to Burano the home of the lacemakers and fisherman. Every house is a different colour so you can find your way home when you are hammered. Good meal and we bought a tablecloth. Fingers crossed it is not from Taiwan.

We had an early start this morning to get to Heidelberg to see the town and the ruins of the castle. It was the first town that we've seen which is what you would expect from Germany or Austria.

Narrow cobble streets and lovely houses (though brick, not wooden, which is apparently more typical). The castle sits above the town, which is on the hill up to meet it. We braved the wander up to the top. We have a teenage girl on the trip who has torn some ligaments and it took her a while to get there. Daniel, with gentlemanlike concern, walked with her so she didn't feel lonely.

It was very quiet when we arrived but by the time we got back down there were people galore running around. The food they have at these places is amazing, there was a market with fresh fruit, Daniel practised his German and got himself some rasberries.

Back on the bus on the way to Munich. I was dreading seeing the olympic village but thankfully we were literally only 'seeing' it. Not having been around at the time we have to admit that the stadium is actually pretty impressive, it doesn't look 30 years old, the style is completely contemporary.

We were all a bit nervous when we got into the city, it looked as though the entire German Police force had converged there and we had to pass road block after road block.

It turned out to be because of an antic-fascism protest, on the way out we passed it, there wasa huge crowd watching and about, say 20(!!!) people sitting in the middle of the road. With a ratio of about 20 police to one protestor I would say everything went smoothly.

We had a little while to wander around town. We were shattered to see a cheap national costume shop just as we had to leave, we would have both snapped one up at the price. Daniel had a nectarine, his excitement over the fruit still abounds (what an exciting life we lead).

From that afternoon things started to go downhill just a wee bit. Our tour guide is an absolutemaster of spin. He wanted us to tryall of the optionals for Innsbruck and Venice to learn to trust him with the others.

(Just as an aside, the smoking here is unbelieeable, sitting in a stifling, non airconditioned internet cafe we can hardly see the screen throught the smog).

Anyway, back to the spindoctor, leaving Venice to one side, the trip to Innsbruck was a delightful folk evening. We wereassured that it was not a tourist night, that the local people came along and joined in and it would be a great night.

We showed great presence of mind and declined.

We then weakened and decided to give it a go because there was apparently nothing to do in Inssbruck. Daniel wandered down to the old town (500 metres away from the Hotel) before dinner and came back saying there were cafes everywhere, horse drawn carriages etc. Nervous fluttering begin.

We arrive at the 'show'. I think at least 3 coaches werein the car park before us. We were lined up before a stage in rows, there were locals there. They were outside in the beer gardens.

Possibly one of the worst nights of our life. We were in the front row so we enjoyed every rolled eye that was passed between the dancers, singers etc. Poor little performing monkeys. Some peolple actually bought the DVD!!!!!!!!!!

Others joined with us, although as they werein the back row they were free to laugh their heads off and 'almost wet themselves'.

Off to bed after the joy!

We only had to get up at 6.15 am today. That almost seems ok.

We wake up. Stuff a buffet breakfast down and we hope on the bus. Jane goes into Gasen Diamonds in Amsterdam and Daniel wanders into Amsterdam alone for some Coffee. Well, ok he just wanders as a 'coffee' shop in Amsterdam sells marijuana and a Koffee shop sells coffee. The dutch are strange and it pays to not get the two confused.

After the stop in Amsterdam, we shoot down on the bus to Cologne or Köln as it is known in Germany. I wanted to type Köln as the keyboard has an umlat symbol! We see the massive Catherdral which is fantastic but it needs a good clean. It is incredible that everything around it was bombed but it survived intact.

Daniel has his most expensive trip to the toilet. One euro but it was worth it. A really lovely vestibule.

Daniel convinces Jane to try some Bratwurst from a local vendor and she loves it. Well, loves is a strong word but she enjoys it.

We are then on the bus down to Boparte in the Rheinland for a cruise on the Rhein. The weather is sensational. Blue skys and hot. The cruise is brilliant with all the little castles and the lovely homes they build in Germany. Not really an AV Jennings but pretty good. Yes, that was sarcasm that does no survive web communication. Jane is embarrassed by Daniel singing Guten Tag Clop Clop from the producers behind a german person. At least it was not Springtime for Hitler and germany which I had only been humming.

We have now arrive at Mannheim and we have found this little net cafe. It is pretty cheap at 1,50 per hour so Jane and I are both typing on our keyboard to update the blog. Tomorrow, we shoot off to Insbrook through some really pretty Canyon and Jane and I have the front bus seat on the Trafalgar rotation program.

The bus is very good. Yes you are a tourist but it is so easy. No carrying bags and they take you around. Without wishing to appear australianist, it is good that we are a bus of canadians, kiwis and Aussies. There are none of the people that elected George W on the bus and that is good as I would have had to give them a stern talking too. Mind you, I suspect I am at risk of that from our NZ contingent given their firm stance on Iraq.

PS: I miss home. I am pathetic.

(Note from Jane: Given that Daniel has now said it I can too: I miss my schnaus. Mock me all you like)

I am tzping this on a german kezboard. Part of the romance of this comminque is that the kezboard has the y and z mixed around. I could fix this but I think it adds a certain ambiance to the whole thing. Do not ask me whz the germans have their kezboards this waz.

Anzway, (1 from two there). We were told to wake up at 4.45 am for the trafalgar tour. That for the uninitated is 4.45 in the morning. I did not know that there were two 4.45´s in a daz. I stole that joke from someone who might be reading this and I express mz gratitude.

Before we move on, the times reported on 16 August 2006 on the funniest joke in the world. Know, it is not Peter Costello´s career prospects. I will retell it best from memorz. George Dubblya is hunting with Donald Rumsfeld when Donal Romsfeld falls to the ground panting and going and grez and he looks like he is dzing. Suprisinglz, George Busch is able to operate a mobile phone and calls 911. He describes to the ambulance officer how Rumsfeld looks, he sazs he is ashen and that he thinks he is dead and asks him what he should do? Calmlz, the 911 operator asks him to make sure he is dead. Next he hears the sound of a gunshot.

Anywaz, I think that was the funniest thing in the Times. We woke up at 4.45 am without the assistance of the promised wake up call. We then discovered we were not on the bags pick up list or on the breakfast list. We are not happy or happz correctly typed on a german keyboard.

All is well however and we are not forgotten merely misplaced. We quickly discover that we are the babies on the tour by about 20 years apart from the kids. This is actually quite good as we are able to run onto the bus quite quickly but we are also under the constant pressure to not turn up late for the bus and let the youth of australia down. More seriously, everyone is much older but they are great fun.

We set off from London to Dover where we hop on a giant boat to Calais. It is full of English people and verz strange looking pokies.

We hop off the ferry and we take off to Amsterdam. On the waz, we stop at a road stop in Belgium where thez will cook zou herring and all sorts of fantastic things. It makes the stop of the F3 look verz sad.

We drive for most of the daz until we reach Amsterdam at about 6.00 pm. We then go on a river cruise around Amsterdam. I must saz I was never fussed on the place but it is actuallz quite nice. Lots of canals and dykes (that is not a red light reference).

We cruise around the town which is full of bikes. 800,000 people and 600,000 bikes. Most of the bikes are crap as there is a major bike theft problem.

After the canal trip, we go to an authentic Indonesian Dutch Restaurant in the Harbour called the sea palace. The food is ok and there is a lot of it. We all seem to have fun and we get to know Bernie and Glen from Melbourne. I wish thez were from Glen Iris or Moonee Ponds but thez are from some other place down their that is not as funny sounding and does not staz in ones memorz.

We get to go into town with Bernie and Glen later in the night and a lot of zoung ladies who can´t afford clothes wave at me from windows of little shops. They seem friendly but I am unfortunatey two busz to saz hi.

I also get a chance to look at the Coffe Shops in Amsterdam but they seem a bit different to Goldbergs. They seem to be selling a lot of mushrooms and herbal remedies. People are having coffee also but they seem to be having a lot of tim tams. I guess thez have the munchies.

After our nocturnal excursion we return to the hotel. We are dead tired and we wonder how our fellow travellers are managing. Tomorrow is a diamond factory (code for opportunity to flog stuff to travellers) and a rhine cruise before overnight in Manheim.